My Blog
When sex is challenging…what do I do?
Chris had been seeing a talk therapist for a few sessions. It was useful, but not much was changing in the bedroom. Chris has been married for 29 years and has two children. He and his partner got along ok, except when it came to sex. “My sex life is dying and I really don’t know what to do”,...
Beside my bed…
Beside my Bed… I am a passionate and creative human being. I love to write and draw. I love poetry and reading. I love to play. The items on my beside testify what delights capture my attention most in each moment. A conglomeration of meaningful treasures, books, oils and who knows what, land...
FEAST is a Lasagne – The Gift of Shared Humanity
At times of need, valued friends of my extended family bring us Lasagne.
It is a gesture of care and love and is by no means an ordinary meal.
They are Italian and the gift of this meal is imbued with the flavours and traditions of generations.
In every bite is deep nourishment that sinks into the echoes of our grateful bellies.
The aroma alone, fills us with anticipation and opens our hearts with gratitude.
You see, making this Lasagne is an art.
An act of love, care and generosity.
It symbolises community and support through food and time spent.
A gesture offered in the spirit of shared experiences of grief, sadness and joy.
Cultivating Curiosity – the value of not knowing
“Please, help me become the best lover possible…”
This is a common request I hear in a variety of forms from many of my clients.
Some are despairing after years of trying.
Some feel broken and frustrated.
Others are simply stuck.
But one thing that serves all of them well, regardless of what brought them to here, is to cultivate a spirit of curiosity and allow it to be their guide.
Curiosity is one of our greatest allies and an essential ingredient, on our journey to sexual confidence.
Where to begin – Building a life time of deep pleasure
Rainforests don’t grow from the canopy down.
They grow from the rich fertile soil, upwards.
They take many years to reach their fullness in which every plant and organism matters to the health and sustenance of the whole.
Every tiny seed, creature and plant supports and nourishes the other.
It is a complete ecosystem within itself, that relies primarily on the health and holding of the soil on which it has grown.
Cultivating our erotic health, intelligence and capacity requires the same wisdom.
A Personal Love Story
Our love affairs are mostly with others.
They are often fuelled by passion, desire and intrigue.
We long to be together.
To explore, discover and embellish pleasure.
The chemistry of new love is compelling, and irresistibly intoxicating.
Many of us spend a life time trying to rekindle it or find it anew.
If we stay long enough in these love affairs, with intentionality and skill, we deepen, evolve and find erotic maturity.
It is rich and wonder-full.
Four Words that describe exactly what a I do as a Sex Coach!
If I was to describe what I do in as few words as possible, it would be this.
I help people feel.
Yes, decades of diving into trainings, personal development and practice, summed up in a few little words.
At its essence however, pure and simple, this is what I do.
I help people feel.
Whether it’s building an ability to get out of their heads and present to the sensations of their bodies.
Or gently, slowly digesting the stuckness and survival patterns created by trauma.
Or cultivating a bandwidth to fully bear pleasure without shutting down or relying on another.
At its core, it is all about our ability to slow down, notice and feel.
Want mind blowing sex…. my number one tip of where to begin
Many people, want mind blowing sex.
They want sex that opens and expands their hearts and pleasure, beyond what they already know is possible.
They want aliveness and vibrancy that ripples and resonates in their bodies for days, months, years even.
They want deep passion, adventure and wonder-full discovery.
They want to feel lovingly embraced, connected and explored by those they love.
I get it.
I want that too!
Every last bit.
And more.
Why not?
Why shouldn’t we have that?
Sexual pleasure is one of the most amazing gifts of being human.
Our bodies are made for it.
Both alone and with others.
Problem is.…we are going about it in the wrong way.
When it comes to sex…less is so often more
Simplicity is foundational to sensual pleasure and discovery.
We often believe we need to add more, learn more and be more in our search for better sex.
But the truth is… Less is often far more.
I learnt this the hard way.
How to have more pleasure
Many of our struggles with things like sex and relationships stem from a belief and conditioning that there is right way to experience and define them.
We get unconsciously attached to things like sexual scripts and relationship escalators, habituated to believe that these are the only pathways to a life time of perpetual pleasure, intimacy and connection.
Reclaiming Desire…. when attraction wanes
One of the most challenging and common things I notice in my own relating and that of the people I work with, is how desire changes and often dissipates over time.
Most people in long-term relationships experience staleness and disconnect at some point in time.
It is almost inevitable and can make or break us.
Let me tell you how I have found my way back to the depths of desire in my 30 year relationship.
Three tips to make self pleasure great!
May is Masturbation Month, believe it or not, and for many people across the globe, a time to invest in cultivating their sexual skills and erotic awareness through self-pleasure. Over the month of May I have been running my annual 31-day self-pleasure challenge with a group of enthusiastic erotic...
Reclaiming Sex – Where to begin
Our sexuality is an essential part of our wellbeing, creativity and vitality.I believe it is the most beautiful and wonder-full part of our humanness.Individually and together.Sadly however, for many this aliveness is not available to the fullness of its potential due to anerosion of our basic...
Healing Sex – reclaiming our birth right after sexual harm
One of the most prolific and profoundly disturbing problems of our times, is the sexualviolation of others boundaries, trust and bodies.Sadly, many people take what they want from another human beings without consent orconcern.Our world fosters an entitled belief system and objectification of...
Calling Rebellious Women who Refuse to be Good Girls…
I was wilful child.My noncompliance, later grew into adolescent rebellion.Somehow, I was born knowing I did not want to be a good girl.And consequently, found myself on the receiving end of much shame and attempts to contain me.Like many women, I have been judged, ridiculed, dismissed and abused.I...
Boundaries, limits and self-care…when things get tough, are you able to show up authentically for yourself and others?
What do you do when you cup is running dry? When life just feels too much and you can’t absorb the next dam thing. When the unrelenting storms of life pummel you again and you are stretched beyond your limits? Never before have I felt such collective despair and overwhelm. It shows up...
The Elusive G-Spot – Myth or Truth?
Truth is a “spot” doesn’t really exist.It is more like a zone and is really not a separate, stand-alone part of our anatomy.The urethral sponge is located on the roof or upper side of the vaginal canal and its size andshape is as unique as the people who own one.For some people it is a very small...
Desire and the creative liberation of Yes!
“In order to grow, we need to find our Yes.Yes, to the challenge.Yes, to the discomfort.Yes, to the uncertainty.Great liberation comes in saying Yes to the things that scare us.”I wrote this 12 months ago as I took a big leap.A leap that I had avoided and distracted myself from doing for YEARS!A...
The sweet scent of pleasure – embracing our erotic smell
When was the last time you fully took in the scent of your lover?Not the sanitised artificial scent of perfume or powders.But their own wonderful juicy smell.When was the last time you paused and noticed, absorbing and savouring the eroticlayers of your beloved’s skin and hair?How often do you...
How might you achieve the sexual change you desire this year?
The beginning of a new calendar year often invites us into reflection and intention setting.Many of us pause to notice and acknowledge, what is no longer working in our lives and howwe would like things to be.We set goals.Have great ideas.And give ourselves deadlines to get started.It is a...
What do you do when offered a valuable gift – do you happily receive it? Or do you get suspicious?
Do you orient to abundance or scarcity in your life? When offered something of value do you recoil with suspicious or welcome it in? Do you question and shut off or open to the gift? Take minute and think about it. How skilled are you at receiving the gifts that are offered to you in your life?...
“Most people in the western world have two or three relationships in their lifetime. Some people have all those relationships with the same person.” Ester Perel. Long-term relating is a journey.There are many twists and turns along the way.As we get older, we often get wiser or at least less...
Obligation or empowerment – how are you having sex?
When it comes to sex and intimacy, how much do you give to others out of obligation? How much are you tolerating to keep someone else happy? And, what are you doing simply because someone else expects you to? Keeping the peace. Creating ease for them. Never rocking the boat. Sound familiar? Maybe...
Orgasm …you are so elusive…or are you??
A lot of people struggle with orgasm. Many wonder if they have ever experienced one at all. Others express disappointment that what they have experienced - hasn’t felt like much. They often think they are the only one with this struggle or begin to wonder if there is something wrong with...
When was the last time you were truly still?
A place of deep conscious relaxation. Where you stopped doing and noticed. Where you could just be. Pause for a moment and see if you can remember. Was it today, yesterday, last week? Last year! Sometimes we are going so fast all the time we don’t even notice we have lost our capacity for...
How often do you include your sense of taste in your sexual explorations?
How often do you include your sense of taste in your sexual explorations? Do you lick, suck and savour the flavours of your lover or own body? Do you use food to enhance your pleasure? Or maybe you know how to activate your tongue and lick sensually the inside of your own...
Rewilding your untamed erotic self – How do you reclaim and invest in your wild self?
I have been pondering the notion of re-wilding over the past week while away camping with my family. What it means to reclaim and embrace our wild nature. How we would relate, live and be in the world if we remained true to our innate selves. What we need to not just live, but to thrive in...
Why a direct route to pleasure changes everything – stop relying on others and find your own pathways
You cannot think your way into good sex. Having good information and knowledge is important, but we need to connect and be present to our bodies to fully embody pleasure. Yet most of us are so caught up in our thoughts - trying please others and performing, that we are not connected to the...
If you are not nervous…you are not growing and learning. How nervousness is your ally in sexual exploration
Did you know that I am yet to meet a person who has not felt nervous when stepping into a session or workshop on sex and pleasure? Yep, it’s true. Not a single person. Me included. I still do. And I have had years of practice! Yes, believe it not I still get nervous before going to a new...
Do you dare to push the edges and claim the fullness of your sexual self? Or are you staying stuck and longing?
How dare you? Is a question we are often asked. Explicitly. Implicitly. Intended to challenge, shut down and put us in ‘our place’. The purpose of which is to maintain power over another, keeping them small, manageable and most of all reminding them of who’s in charge. How dare you say...
Ignite, heal and live life through the lens of erotic pleasure – if not now, then when?
Life has a tendency at times, to squeeze every ounce of sexy, completely out of us! Stress, uncertainty, constant demands and tiredness are all great contributors. Not to mention the challenge of our aging bodies and changing hormones. It can be hugely challenging to find tiny snippets of...
What is Sexological Bodyworker and Sex Coaching?
So….what actually is Sexological Bodywork and Sex Coaching? This is one of the most common questions I get asked when people are considering working with me. I love it because it’s a great question and let’s face it….it can sound like a pretty wacky thing to do! It can also feel a bit scary and...
PODCAST Save My Marriage: Intimacy Session
Everyone benefits from sex coaching because it resonates into all that you feel, express and do! I was recently asked by the B105 morning show to record a live session with Cam and Frankie as part of their journey to Save My Marriage. After my initial uncertainty about how on earth that would...
Is stress ripping you off from great sex?
Stress kills sex. Simple and true. It is one of our greatest challenges and biggest turn offs. It shows up in many different forms and is often a self-perpetuating cycle. Each lap around, further eroding our vitality and confidence. Things like low libido, erectile dysfunction, premature...
Orgasm – Is there a hierarchy? What’s the truth about it?
The hierarchy of orgasm is a myth and quite frankly, it is ripping us off.I hear versions of this all the time. It is constantly perpetuated in media and porn and abounds in the myths and sexual scripts we are conditioned to believe.Even some sex educators are coaching people to have “better or...
My father gave me a gift – more precious than any present. Let me share it with you…
My father gave me a gift so precious it has lasted me my entire life.It has shaped me, challenged me, held and nourished me.It has broken me and rebuilt me anew.It is ever changing with many faces.Never the same but always familiar.It is powerful and destructive.Gentle and serenely beauty-full.It...
What I have been up to!
This has been such a huge month for me, with the roll out of my first residential retreat - Transform. It was a massive undertaking and incredible journey for everyone involved. I am still landing tbh! Absolutely mind blowing. What an incredible week. Seven bold, brave women on...
Is Shame of Fear choosing you?
Shame and fear are the two biggest obstacles confronting people around sex, intimacy and pleasure. They are invisible and sneaky. They often come disguised as… I don’t have enough time. Sex is not important. Yeah, I will get to that later. They might come packaged with struggling...
Sexy Talk Time – the Essential Key to Mind Blowing Pleasure
My nine year old recently asked me an interesting question. He is an inquisitive little person and asks a LOT of questions. “What does that taste like?”, he enquired peering over my shoulder. “Hmmm….kind of bitter”, I answered trying to define the coffee I was sipping. “What’s bitter?”, he...
Life’s Greatest Oxymoron – Sex and Parenting
Sex and parenting – two of the most fundamentally mismatched and challenging combinations on this planet! Would you agree? I sometimes muse how the pleasurable source of our cherub’s creation, can become so elusive! Being the parent of four wonderful beings, I have had many an opportunity to...
What happens when we stop seeing our challenges around sex as a problem and open to the possibility that they are a gift?
What happens when we stop seeing our challenges around sex as a problem and open to the possibility that they are a gift? Many people who seek my support come believing there is something wrong with them. They see their challenges with sex, as a problem that needs to be fixed. For men it is...
Paying Attention
Paying Attention Attention please... How long are you able to fully pay attention? 20 seconds, 40? More? Maybe a few minutes. Most of us are so busy buzzing around, moving from one shining thing to the next. Wanting more. Doing more. Seeking more. We have lost our ability to be still and...
Client Testimonial
A letter of appreciation from a client I am constantly humbled by the trust and integrity of the clients I get to work with. To see their journey of moving from places of shame and stuckness to meeting challenges and reclaiming deep pleasure in their lives is an absolute privilege. Here is a...
The Sensuality of Presence
Watching her took my breath away. She was full of beauty and moved with such ease. The subtle movement of body, her hips, her lips. Her gaze soft but so awaken. She loved the skin that adorned her body and pleasure radiated from every cell in her being. She met the eyes of others with purpose and...
Letting Go of the Need to Orgasm
I have lost count of the number of articles, podcasts and books I have seen offering guaranteed pathways to mind blowing orgasm. Bigger, better, stronger, more expansive, deeper. They postulate a step by step approach to the ultimate. Or do they? What happens when we let go of the need to orgasm?...
Delighting the Rose Bud – The Joys of Anal Pleasure
Mention anal pleasure and invariably you will find yourself confronted with a monologue of shame, taboo and fear. Whilst many us might harbour a healthy curiosity around our sacred sphincters, very few are recipients of good quality education and opportunities to learn and explore safely in this...
The Erotic Art of Knitting
Winter is here! Time to pull out our knitting needles and wool and begin to create! But before you decide that I am heading down some kinky tangent, think again. This is a sharing in creating erotic charge and how the fundamentals of knitting have a whole lot to teach us about thriving in our...
Sexual Energy – Is your most potent and creative power….
Sexual energy is healing energy. Sexual energy is powerful, potent and magnetic. It is creative and juicy. Vibrant and sensual. It a source deep within us that can invigorate, rejuvenate and manifest. It is abundant and limitless. It is free and connected with the most wonderous essence of life....
Summer Climax
There is something about Summer that invites me to celebrate and enjoy my body more than any other time of the year. In the heat, clothing is minimal and freedom delights in feeling the sun and humidity of my skin. Holidays creates the time to slow down, savour and celebrate. Company and...
Slow Sex – The Power of Patience
Do you ever feel your head spinning just with the pure pace of life and pressure to go harder…faster…give more? Quick fixes, instant gratification…right here, right now. Be more, give more, have more...where does it end…. where does it lead us? Sadly, this approach is permeating every part of...
Recent Posts

Reclaiming Desire…. when attraction wanes
One of the most challenging and common things I notice in my own relating and that of the people I work with, is how desire changes and often dissipates over time.
Most people in long-term relationships experience staleness and disconnect at some point in time.
It is almost inevitable and can make or break us.
Let me tell you how I have found my way back to the depths of desire in my 30 year relationship.

Three tips to make self pleasure great!
May is Masturbation Month, believe it or not, and for many people across the globe, a time to invest in cultivating their sexual skills and erotic awareness through self-pleasure. Over the month of May I have been running my annual 31-day self-pleasure challenge with...

Reclaiming Sex – Where to begin
Our sexuality is an essential part of our wellbeing, creativity and vitality.I believe it is the most beautiful and wonder-full part of our humanness.Individually and together.Sadly however, for many this aliveness is not available to the fullness of its potential due...

Healing Sex – reclaiming our birth right after sexual harm
One of the most prolific and profoundly disturbing problems of our times, is the sexualviolation of others boundaries, trust and bodies.Sadly, many people take what they want from another human beings without consent orconcern.Our world fosters an entitled belief...

Calling Rebellious Women who Refuse to be Good Girls…
I was wilful child.My noncompliance, later grew into adolescent rebellion.Somehow, I was born knowing I did not want to be a good girl.And consequently, found myself on the receiving end of much shame and attempts to contain me.Like many women, I have been judged,...
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