Rainforests don’t grow from the canopy down.

They grow from the rich fertile soil, upwards. 

They take many years to reach their fullness in which every plant and organism matters to the health and sustenance of the whole.

Every tiny seed, creature and plant supports and nourishes the other.

It is a complete ecosystem within itself, that relies primarily on the health and holding of the soil on which it has grown.

Cultivating our erotic health, intelligence and capacity requires the same wisdom.  

Too often we start our journeys of sexual exploration and expansion from the top rather than creating a deep foundation of tools and awareness that sustains a lifetime of growth.


We are led to believe that the change we desire can be gain by trying out a new technique or buying latest sex toy.  

We strive to bring more pleasure to our lovers in the hope that if they feel more, so will I.  

Our efforts become about performing rather than presence and we so often end up disappointed, frustrated and stuck.

Truth is, that whilst we might experience some newness or novelty with this approach, our experiences will never be deeply rooted in the foundational rich soil that assures a lifetime of erotic growth and abundant pleasure.

For some people this can be a really challenging shift of perspective to get their head (and body) around. 

For others, it is an enormous relief. 

Most of us never got taught what we really need to know in order to have a life time of great sex and finally being able to put these pieces together is a game changer.

So, what would a rich and solid foundation for good sex actually consist of?

Good question.

Here are the key elements I teach all my clients.

  1. Noticing and naming desire

Firstly, we need to know what we want and value, trust and honour it enough to actually ask for it.

Most people, don’t know what they want and what gives them pleasure.

Many people have internal ‘filters’ that serve to keep others happy, avoid any discomfort or disapproval and in effect stops them from asking for their desires.

We get plenty of practice in life, at going along and fitting ourselves into what is on offer or tolerating.

Foundation skill number one is being able to tune into our bodies and ask for what we deeply desire.

Sitting right alongside this super skill is also an ability to notice and name our limits.    Learning to say and value our ‘no’ and the limits of others, is liberating on so many levels.


  1. Getting out of our heads and into the body

Number two on my must have list is an ability to slow down, notice and stay present to sensation in the body.

In our crazy, busy, mind focused world, most people struggle to really pay attention to their bodies and be patient and curious enough to stay there.

Our ability to stay present and relaxed, focusing attention on sensation in our own body, builds direct pathways within our nervous system and brain.

It is our unique pleasure circuit, hardwired in – forever!

How great is that?

Without this we miss out on all the wonderful sensations of pleasure within our own skin and sex is reliant on others having a good time.

Great thing about this foundational skill is that it also changes the quality of our touch to others.

Win win! Yay.  😊


  1. Knowing pleasure parts

Many of us have never gotten up close and personal with our genitals let alone know the intricacies of our partners – particularly if they are opposite to ours.

We might know a couple of bits but essentially it is unknown territory.

Having the opportunity to openly ask questions, get detailed and accurate information and know how all our pleasure parts come together for great orgasms is really helpful.

Without this knowledge we are often guessing and knowing how body parts and nerves are connected and where to find them is so useful.

Sadly, much of this vital information, particularly regarding the vulva, clitoris and vagina has not been fully understood up until this century.

Now is the time for us to be well and fully informed.   Without this information we are often misguided in how to achieve orgasm and are left pathologizing our experiences.


  1. Being an active receiver

Starfish are beautiful. 

They are delightful to watch but most of us feel uncertain about touching them.

Same with lovers.

Being sexually intimate with a partner that is an active part of your explorations together, is rich and expansive for all.

As a giver it is such a relief to know what turns someone on and off.  We know we are doing what they desire and can keep verbalising what would make it even better.

Phew… we can all relax and have a great time.

Being an active receiver however is a skill many of us have never developed. 

When pleasure takes over, we bliss out, stop talking and as a consequence leave it to our partner to work it all out.  

Communication makes sex consensual, delicious and deep.


  1. Practice outside of play

Now the fun begins and practice makes perfect. 

Creating opportunities to explore, experiment and stay curious with another and ourselves, is invaluable on our journey to great sex. 

It can be particularly useful to do this with someone you are not sexually attracted to.

Sexological Bodywork sessions are the perfect practice space where we get to experiment, explore, be clunky and learn. 

Sex is practical.   So practice space is vital if we are to build our confidence and skill.


These are the foundations I teach and support my clients to fully embrace on their journey to a life time of empowered erotic pleasure. 

And just like the rainforests of North Queensland, thrive. 




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