I seek a life lived in the depths.
Beyond the shallows or safe shorelines.
Beyond the small talk and habitual safe ground.
I seek the places outside of my known and familiar.
The razor’s edge of exhilaration.
The soft surrender into life’s sacred mystery wells.
I seek the realms that opens as birth meets death, and all that is solid and predictable, falls away.
The experiences that distil my potency and sharpen my discernment.
The places that crack open my heart to more love and profound awe and beauty.
These realms I have been fortunate to explore through my devotion and commitment to erotic pleasure.
However, my greatest erotic teacher has been death, grief and suffering.
Through heartbreak and loss, I have found profound gateways to creative energy, deep longing and the bittersweet fusion of pleasure and pain.
These elements weave the foundational fabric of my erotic expression and fuel it flames.
The depths of my erotic experiences directly reflect how I have ventured through my heartbreak and suffering.
The more I allow myself to feel my sadness and the decimation that comes with profound loss, the more distilled and potent becomes my love of life and capacity to open and surrender to erotic energy and pleasure.
These are two sides of the same erotic coin.
Death has been my teacher since I was 10 years old.
Flawed by the sudden and unexpected loss of my mother, I was propelled into a world that seemed to not know how to hold me or help me find my way.
I never went to her funeral, never got to say goodbye.
Instead, I learnt that messy was something to be hidden and grief was something to be endured until we moved on. Back into life.
In this alchemy of loss and change, I found longing, anticipation and lostness.
Unbeknown to me at the time, these three elements would shape and inform the erotic adult I was later to become.
They would fuel my deepest desires and ignite profound sexual charge.
They would invite my forever curiosity, capacity to surrender and willingness to lose my way.
They would create a momentum of creative force that would drive me unlike any other energy I have known.
The longing for a much-loved mother, I could never have, gave me access to my greatest erotic allies and grief became my forever teacher.
This poignant initiation has shaped all that I am, offer and experience, since.
Each cycle of grief I have lived has distilled more, cracked open more and gifted more.
My Christmas was spent loving and holding close family at the ICU bedside of my 18-year-old niece.
She died in early January, leaving a depth of grief that shattered her devoted parents and created a conduit of sadness that crack open the hearts of hundreds.
In this loss, we found deeper love for each other and now as I emerge, I am again reminded of the poignant gifts available when we allow grief space, time and its messy undoing.
I have once again been schooled by the paradoxical mix of intense joy and sadness, of heartbreak and deep love.
I can feel the generative forces of longing as I look to my year ahead and am noticing the potent distillation of my heart’s desires.
I am claiming the sacred bittersweet pleasure of paradox, as I allow the fullness of my vulnerability and the awe of my creativity.
My erotic explorations provide the space for me to explore all the teachings of grief, and through my body I celebrate and open to this miraculous life.
Orgasmicity supports me to venture between the realms of annihilation and rebirth.
This is a life of depth made possible through death.
Through sadness, heartbreak and loss we touch the erotic and can find all that is good and beautiful.
