I have lost count of the number of articles, podcasts and books I have seen offering guaranteed pathways to mind blowing orgasm.
Bigger, better, stronger, more expansive, deeper. They postulate a step by step approach to the ultimate.
Or do they?
What happens when we let go of the need to orgasm?
What else is there?
Do we even know?
I would suggest often… we don’t.
We are educated in a way that is about agendas, goals, achievements and where reaching the finish line equals success.
Where being clear, driven and focused is valued over trust, surrender and curiosity without a given destination.
And that is how we approach sex.
Orgasm is the aim and unless we achieve it, we are unhappy.
I dare to differ in my view and wonder what happens when we add intending rather than attachment as an approach to our experiences.
What happens when we let go of orgasm as the agenda and allow it to sit as a possibility?
As one place to explore and experience pleasure.
In sessions I often invite people to explore what holding tight to an agenda feels like in their bodies.
I ask them to notice their muscles, their breath, their presence.
They tell me how ridged they feel. How stuck and eventually how they give up, because often the goal seems so unattainable.
To me the goal is not unattainable. But learning is in the way we are holding it.
What happens when I let go of the need to orgasm?
What happens when I intend for something rather than become attached?
What happens when I am fully present, noticing and allowing sensations in my body rather than getting entrapped by thoughts?
What happens….is expansion.
In becoming attached to having a particular experience, we are distracted from the magic and richness of sensation and essentially the orgasmic-ness that is available to us.
We are ripping ourselves off.
When my sights are set on climax, I lose the invitation to feel and experience the subtleness and blissfulness of some of the most mystical, erotic sensations and experiences available to me.
When was the last time you slowed down enough to feel and enjoy the texture of the fabrics on your skin?
Or noticed and played with the tiny spaces between breaths.
Have you ever savoured the sensation of each tiny movement, present only to that succulence of that moment?
When did you last taste the air, touch the nap of your neck with a feather or lay still feeling for the pulse in your veins?
Have you ever?
Don’t get me wrong… I love orgasms. Big or small. They are great. But not at the cost of disallowing the full spectrum of my erotic explorations and expressions.
I invite you to be curious and discover…what happens when you let go of needing to orgasm?
