Mention anal pleasure and invariably you will find yourself confronted with a monologue of shame, taboo and fear.
Whilst many us might harbour a healthy curiosity around our sacred sphincters, very few are recipients of good quality education and opportunities to learn and explore safely in this area.
Granted, anal sex is not for everyone. However, there are many of us who are curious to explore and are looking for experiences beyond penis in vagina type sex.
For those in this category, this blog is for you.
There is nothing new about anal sex. People have been exploring this pleasure for eons.
What is more recent however, is the mountains of shame and taboo our current culture seems determined to impose on any sexual explorations outside of sanctioned norms.
So let’s begin debunking some of these limitations and myths by exploring why we would even want to begin to explore our precious rose buds.
First and foremost, the anus is full of nerve endings.
It is a direct pathway to connect deeply with our psyche and the nervous system. Undoing layers of shame and tension in the process.
It is not uncommon to find the recipient of an anal massage, dribbling blissfully on the pillow in a state of deep surrender and hypnotic orgasmic bliss!
So let’s understand why the anus is such a gateway to deep relaxation and pleasure.
The anus is made up of two layers of sphincters. We can consciously control the external sphincter and therefore open and close it at will. The internal sphincter however, is controlled by our autonomic nervous system so is out of our conscious control.
Trauma is often held in this part of our body as our natural survival mechanism when triggered, includes a tightening or shutting off of the sphincters.
Creating a sense of safety and gently working with the anus, offers a rich opportunity not only of relaxation and pleasure, but also of embodied healing and deep presence.
Ok basic anatomy aside, what are the important things to remember when experiencing or offering anal stimulation and pleasure.
Tip number one: Anus’ are super shy.
They must never be forced and only begin to open when given lots of sensual and loving time. Slowing down and creating a strong sense of safety and trust is essential to creating a pleasurable anal experience. Taking time to wake up and build arousal in other parts of the body before even moving close to the anus is a must. Anal penetration should never cause pain and if it does, the person is not ready for you to enter. Anal sphincters love to be tantalised and a hungry butt that longingly draws you in, is the best place to aim for before moving internally.
Tip number two: Lather on the oil and lube.
Anus’ don’t self lubricate. Unlike a vagina, the anus requires a generous amount of oil and lubricant. Various sensations can be created with the use of different lubes and oils, so be creative and see what works best for you and your partner. Remember however, condoms are important if penetrating with a penis. STIs are easily transmitted during anal sex and condoms need water based lube otherwise the latex will begin to erode.
Tip number three: – Things can get lost up there.
Never insert anything into the anus without a flared base. Otherwise, hospital emergency room…here you come! Whilst deep penetration might be something you want to explore, most of the nerve endings are located at the opening where the sphincters sit. So you actually don’t need to go very deep to cultivate deep sensation and pleasure.
Those with a prostate may enjoy the sensations created when this area is stimulated. You can locate the prostate internally near the bladder, just in front of the rectum. Likewise, vulva owners may enjoy the g-crest on the top wall of the vagina being stimulated internally through the wall of the rectum.
If you have never explored anal pleasure before, begin firstly on your own. A great place to start is just gently inserting a finger or two in the shower. Things are already wet so some self exploration can happen easily and support you to begin to connect with this part of your body. Small butt plugs can also be a helpful tool as well as massaging your precious rose bud, mapping points of pleasure and just being curious about this part of your body.
If engaging with a partner is it really important to firstly get their enthusiastic consent and agreement about what you are going to do together, before you begin. This needs to be an ongoing dialogue and like any sexual exploration together, choice throughout the whole experience is foundational.
Finally, let’s quickly touch on hygiene.
One of the biggest concerns or turn offs for some people regarding anal pleasure is poo. For some, a shower is enough to allay their concerns, others prefer to give themselves an enema. Inevitably poo may become part your experience, it really depends how deep internally you go. Set your intentions, do what you need in order to meet your needs for cleanliness and remember you don’t need to go deeply inside to create a wonderful experience.
Poo essentially is expelled from the rectum so very little matter will remain. It is usually contained higher up in the colon. Remember however faeces do contain bacteria so make sure hands and toys are washed before touching other parts of the body. Likewise, it is also important to ensure that no oils dip or run down from the anal area into the vagina. So use a small wash cloth or towel to cover this area when giving a partner a massage.
Ok, so there are the basics to begin your explorations.
I wish you fun, relaxation and abundant pleasure.
