The beginning of a new calendar year often invites us into reflection and intention setting.
Many of us pause to notice and acknowledge, what is no longer working in our lives and how
we would like things to be.
We set goals.
Have great ideas.
And give ourselves deadlines to get started.
It is a valuable and useful process.
Getting clear intentions is a powerful and conscious way to navigate life.
However, clarity is only the first step in creating meaningful and effective change.
Having clear intentions is a great starting place, but It is how we move towards enacting
those things that is the true game changer.
Often, even with the strongest of intentions, things can become tricky and if not navigated
skilfully can leave us with the same desires and good intentions year after year!
Think about it.
What goals and intentions have you had over the past few years?
Particularly in regards to sex, pleasure, relationships and your body.
How have you approached bringing these to fruition?
Has it been easy?
Or does it feel like ground hog day and you are feeling stuck and frustrated?
Typically, people approach desire and intention in one of two ways.
For same stepping beyond familiar territory is challenging.
They stay in places of familiarity and despite wanting otherwise end up reverting back to
what they done, fearful or unsure how to move out of habit and what they already know or
are experiencing.
Shame and fear are great gatekeepers here.
They sneak up and tell us to stay quiet, settle and don’t risk others judgement.
Whilst at times, this can feel like a safe place to rest and be, staying stuck in familiar doesn’t
support us to grow and change.
It is a recipe for longing and tolerating.
Another approach is that we go full steam ahead.
Push on through our challenges and tricky edges believing if we just do this thing, it will all
be great.
We go quickly and with determination.
We barge through believing that pure strength and courage is all we need to have what we
deeply desire.
In the process we ignore our resistance and see it as simply an obstacle to overcome.
In my experience, this way of pursuing intentions and desires often leads us to feeling
overwhelmed and left scrambling.
It can be too much, too soon and we miss the richness of growth and learning along the way.
All we end up doing is creating more resistance and stuckness.
Hmmm….hello frustration, exhaustion and giving up.
So how do we walk effectively towards change and what we deeply desire?
Firstly, we need to slow the fuck down!
Yep, literally.
We need to build our window of tolerance to go slowly.
When we do this, we begin to fully pay attention and notice.
We begin to be present and work deeply with our bodies.
We find our resilience and choice.
We learn that we can pause and calm the fears before taking our next best step.
We realise we can move forwards and backwards and choose the rainbow of experiences in
between.
Yes folks, the pathway to sexual empowerment and change is meeting our edges, with
gentle slow progressive steps.
It is about leaning gently into discomfort and newness while remaining curious and resilient.
So my invitation…. Feel into what you deeply desire.
Get a clear picture in your mind and then feel for it in your body.
Begin to slowly take the first step toward it.
Pause and notice.
Calm your fears and anxiety by working with your body and then when you are ready
decide…is it one more step forward or savour this space for a while?
Remember there is no destination or place you have to be. Eroticism is a life long journey of
discovery.
Wishing you all abundant erotic joy in 2022!
