Sex and parenting – two of the most fundamentally mismatched and challenging combinations on this planet! Would you agree? I sometimes muse how the pleasurable source of our cherub’s creation, can become so elusive!
Being the parent of four wonderful beings, I have had many an opportunity to venture into the territory of keeping my sex life alive and kicking, whilst juggling the myriad of demands on my precious time and energy.
I doubt that there is a parent alive who hasn’t had to navigate this terrain at some point!
So how do we do it? What is important and is it even possible? Or should we just give up at the gates?
Here are some suggestions that have worked for me. I am sure there are many more ideas to add to the list. I know many a creative, adventurous parent who refuses to shelve their desires and have in fact managed to use this time to connect with even more embodied sex and pleasure.
What suggestions have worked for you? Feel free to share. You never know what tired, despairing parent you might give hope to!
Strategies that work:
– Come to an agreement together that sex is actually important. See it as an integral and vital part of your relationship that needs nurturing. Give it priority.
– Set an intention together. Never underestimate the power of intention. Keep your intention broad, not too narrow otherwise if it’s too limiting it does not allow for flexibility and a whole range of opportunities and experiences to arise.
– Don’t see parenting as a limitation or a difficulty that hinders your sex life. See it as an initiator. Something that brings opportunities to expand yourself beyond previous experiences together. Parenting has cause me to be far more creative and spontaneous in my sex life. Be open to sexual encounters with your partner and seize opportunities as they arise. You never know what cozy new hiding places you might discover together.
– Let go of limiting ideas of what sex needs to look like. It is far more than making love under the sheets on your comfy bed….. be adventurous. Find new places and experiences. Sure not every session maybe a four hour tantric transformational experience but even a short interlude (albeit in the walk in robe) can leave you feeling connected and juicy. Be spontaneous and creative.
– It is ok for children to see parents being affectionate. Consider what you are modelling for them. If you want your children to be positive about sex then walk your talk.
– Book a night or two away every now and then. It is worth it. The kids will be fine without your for awhile. You never know, they might actually enjoy the space. I really value the uninhibited freedom of time away from home so much more now and make the absolute most of it. Having a chunk of time together is really important so plan to make it happen.
– Offer to give and not expect to receive. Sometimes our cup has run absolutely dry so the opportunity to receive a massage or other sensual pleasure, without a need to return the favour, is absolute erotic bliss. Intimacy has many forms so be open to explore the full spectrum of connecting.
– Examine the beliefs you have around limitations. Do you hold beliefs that it is all too hard, you are too tired, what is the point…? Be aware that your beliefs will have an impact of what you create in your life. Bring conscious awareness to them. How true are they really? Where have they come from and maybe it’s time to re-frame them?
