Our sexuality is an essential part of our wellbeing, creativity and vitality.
I believe it is the most beautiful and wonder-full part of our humanness.
Individually and together.
Sadly however, for many this aliveness is not available to the fullness of its potential due to an
erosion of our basic rights.
The right to protection from bodily harm and boundary ruptures.
The right to say no, yes and choose the touch we give and receive.
The right to develop our own preferences and orientation.
The right to enjoy healthy sexual pleasure and engagement.
The right to choose.
For so many people, these rights have not been valued or respected.
And those experiences continue to impact their enjoyment and access to pleasure.
Often when I talk to people about sexual violence or trauma, these words don’t resonate.
They don’t see themselves as survivors.
Nor do they feel that their experiences constitute abuse.
Some don’t validate their own experience in comparison to others.
Words used to describe harm often get in the way of recognising and acknowledging sexual
violation and the damage it caused.
Sexual trauma sometimes does not include touch.
Sometimes it is subtle, underhanded and dished out in the guise of love.
It can feel confusing and what we name as abuse is often relegated to the extremes.
Sexual abuse takes many forms and one of the hardest obstacles people encounter is naming their
experience for what it is.
Many people experience harm at the hands of those they trust and love.
I have worked with many people in those moments of recognising that the treatment they received
from a trusted other, actually caused damage and continues to impact their capacity for intimacy.
It is hard to name that their boundaries were deliberately crossed and disregarded.
That consent was coerced or not able to be given.
That their lack of arousal now, is a result of another’s mistreatment.
That they avoid sex because it feels disgusting or triggers are overwhelming.
It is a big moment of recognising and naming something that is often hidden or pushed aside for
years.
This moment however, is where healing begins and change becomes possible.
Without it, we are often left stuck, questioning ourselves and thinking there must be something
wrong with me….
It is abuse if you feel that your boundaries were violated.
If you feel that you were unable to fully consent.
If someone you trusted took advantage of their power over you.
And took what they wanted.
Maybe as you read this the pieces are colliding and this is the moment where you own healing
journey begins.
Reach out, it is not something to do alone.
