Julie was an accomplished people pleaser. She had spent much of her life appeasing others at home, work and in sex. She was well practiced in tolerating and going along and through some work together was beginning to realise, how much she was trapped in a cycle of over giving. Read how Julie learnt how to change these patterns and liberate herself sexually and in her life.

This beautiful practice was taught to me by Dr. Maya Ward and weaves together embodiment, trance, and deep listening into a “lively co-creative communing” with the more than human world. The practice was shared with Maya by the Gay’wu group of women from Arnhem Land and she teaches it now with their permission. Its expression is through writing and shared in community. To me this is an erotic practice. It allows us to connect deeply with our life force energy and merge with other living beings. It maybe the wind, land or sky. It may be food or trees. It really doesn’t matter. This practice also shows a way to deeply co-become with other humans in exploration and embodied pleasure.

One thing guaranteed in life is the inevitability of change. Our bodies age, relationships shift and what was once certain, seems to gradually slip between our fingers. The impermanence of it all, is real. Yet despite us knowing this, we continue to strive and chase what we had before. This happens a lot in regards to sex and intimacy. In fact, this longing and perspective usually plays a part in what gets most people to my door. Erections that don’t last and orgasm that never seems to come. Diminished desire and partners who have lost interest. People struggling to accept new body shapes and sizes, and things that just ain’t how or where they used to be. Growing older is challenging in a world that tells us that it is all down hill from here. Young, unlined, trim bodies are seen as more beautiful. Hard cocks the ultimate and orgasms on demand are the gold standard. Spontaneous arousal and endless desire for more, is the grand prize. Yet, this is essentially damn near impossible as the years roll on and we are faced with the reality that all these things are different and the sex of our youth, a distance tremor. That is one big confrontation and conundrum for many. So, what could we do about it?

I am in between at the moment. In between what I know to be true and what is emerging. I am living in the liminal space that exists between dissolution and becoming. A place where ground falls away and I feel the sweeping, ravishing winds of change. They are untamed and bring a necessary dissolution of wild fire intensity. It is a burning of sorts. One that culls the dead wood making space for the new growth at the change of season. It is dark here, and shadowy. Uncomfortable and demanding. There is reckoning and rupture. And yet, I intentionally, willingly surrender myself and go. I have made many such descents in my life, however this one has it own particular flavour.

How sex and intimacy with others can evoke the same flavour of unknown, anticipation and need to find solid ground. Erotic energy is like the wind. It can blow fast and hard, exciting us with the power of pleasure. It can whip us into a frenzy of ecstasy and then whisper gently and softly on our cheek. It can lift our feet off the ground and evoke anxiety and fear. It can invite us into the unknown realms of discovery and exploration. What do we anchor to in these experiences? How do we prepare and contain what is possibly to come? How do we ensure our house is in order and we are ready? My suggestion...is to learn and embodied the essential skills of authentic consent.