Julie was an accomplished people pleaser.

She had spent much of her life appeasing others at home, work and in sex.

She was well practiced in tolerating and going along and through some work together was beginning to realise, how much she was trapped in a cycle of over giving.

Read how Julie learnt how to change these patterns and liberate herself sexually and in her life.

This beautiful practice was taught to me by Dr. Maya Ward and weaves together embodiment, trance, and deep listening into a “lively co-creative communing” with the more than human world. The practice was shared with Maya by the Gay’wu group of women from Arnhem Land and she teaches it now with their permission. Its expression is through writing and shared in community. To me this is an erotic practice. It allows us to connect deeply with our life force energy and merge with other living beings. It maybe the wind, land or sky. It may be food or trees. It really doesn’t matter. This practice also shows a way to deeply co-become with other humans in exploration and embodied pleasure.

One thing guaranteed in life is the inevitability of change.
Our bodies age, relationships shift and what was once certain, seems to gradually slip between our fingers.
The impermanence of it all, is real.
Yet despite us knowing this, we continue to strive and chase what we had before.
This happens a lot in regards to sex and intimacy.
In fact, this longing and perspective usually plays a part in what gets most people to my door.

Erections that don’t last and orgasm that never seems to come.
Diminished desire and partners who have lost interest.
People struggling to accept new body shapes and sizes, and things that just ain’t how or where they used to be.

Growing older is challenging in a world that tells us that it is all down hill from here.
Young, unlined, trim bodies are seen as more beautiful.
Hard cocks the ultimate and orgasms on demand are the gold standard.
Spontaneous arousal and endless desire for more, is the grand prize.
Yet, this is essentially damn near impossible as the years roll on and we are faced with the reality that all these things are different and the sex of our youth, a distance tremor.

That is one big confrontation and conundrum for many.

So, what could we do about it?

How sex and intimacy with others can evoke the same flavour of unknown, anticipation and need to find solid ground.

Erotic energy is like the wind.

It can blow fast and hard, exciting us with the power of pleasure.

It can whip us into a frenzy of ecstasy and then whisper gently and softly on our cheek.

It can lift our feet off the ground and evoke anxiety and fear.

It can invite us into the unknown realms of discovery and exploration.

What do we anchor to in these experiences?

How do we prepare and contain what is possibly to come?

How do we ensure our house is in order and we are ready?

My suggestion…is to learn and embodied the essential skills of authentic consent.

In a world where pleasure is often shrouded in confusion and silence, the journey towards an erotically empowered life invites us to reclaim our bodies and desires with compassion and courage. Every person’s path is unique, woven from the threads of personal experience and societal narratives that have shaped our understanding of intimacy. By embracing curiosity as our guiding star, we can gently peel away layers of shame and misconception, allowing ourselves to explore the rich tapestry of connection that breathes life into our relationships. Here, we nurture a space where conversations flourish, learning becomes a joyful exploration, and our inherent capacity for pleasure is not only recognised but celebrated, revitalising our essence and enriching our shared humanity.

Most recently I am noticing how difficult it can still be for me to say “no” to another person.

To turn down their offer, however wonderful it might all sound.

To say no thanks, to their desires and invitations, often knowing that my response will most likely land hard.

To be with another in their experience of disappointment, without rescuing or minimising what it evokes in each of us.

To meet their expectation with softness and care, while honouring the limits I feel within myself.

This is a practice I have explored for many years, and the deeper I go the more edges I find.

At times I feel skilled and embodied in my awareness.

I can stay in my lane and not fall on the trip wires hidden beneath the surface of my knowing.

I can say no, without needing to puff myself up in a masquerade of bigness.

I can decline without blowing my discomfort through another.

Other times, the “no” still sticks in my throat and feels almost impossible to say.

Our experiences of trauma shapes our nervous systems and impacts how we navigate sex and intimacy. Read how decades of working as a sexual trauma counsellor has left its mark on me.

Have you ever had the experience of being in the presence of another human being, who deeply knows and cherishes their sexual self and is able to ‘sit back’ with it in their own body.

A person who can slow down and bring themself to the present moment with nowhere else to be.
Someone with whom you feel so comfortably seen without a word being spoken.
Whose touch feels so electric as they attune to the unique felt sense of you.

Chances are, if you have had this experience, it still lives in your body and memory, and you are feeling it right now as you read.

This is the essence of good sex. It is our ability to slow down and have a bandwidth to pay attention, that allows us to step out of life’s fast performance and agenda lane, and into the depth and beauty of now.

Life is meant to be a date with the Erotic.
A flow of aliveness and connection to vitality.
An expression of creativity and beauty.
Being in this moment, now and embracing the pleasure before us.
This is our essence.
Lost in the mind-field of life.
Trapped in the constant grid to be more, do more, have more.
We have lost our way.

At times of need, valued friends of my extended family bring us Lasagne.
It is a gesture of care and love and is by no means an ordinary meal.
They are Italian and the gift of this meal is imbued with the flavours and traditions of generations.
In every bite is deep nourishment that sinks into the echoes of our grateful bellies.
The aroma alone, fills us with anticipation and opens our hearts with gratitude.
You see, making this Lasagne is an art.
An act of love, care and generosity.
It symbolises community and support through food and time spent.
A gesture offered in the spirit of shared experiences of grief, sadness and joy.

“Please, help me become the best lover possible…”
This is a common request I hear in a variety of forms from many of my clients.
Some are despairing after years of trying.
Some feel broken and frustrated.
Others are simply stuck.
But one thing that serves all of them well, regardless of what brought them to here, is to cultivate a spirit of curiosity and allow it to be their guide.
Curiosity is one of our greatest allies and an essential ingredient, on our journey to sexual confidence.

Rainforests don’t grow from the canopy down.
They grow from the rich fertile soil, upwards.
They take many years to reach their fullness in which every plant and organism matters to the health and sustenance of the whole.
Every tiny seed, creature and plant supports and nourishes the other.
It is a complete ecosystem within itself, that relies primarily on the health and holding of the soil on which it has grown.
Cultivating our erotic health, intelligence and capacity requires the same wisdom.

If I was to describe what I do in as few words as possible, it would be this.
I help people feel.
Yes, decades of diving into trainings, personal development and practice, summed up in a few little words.
At its essence however, pure and simple, this is what I do.
I help people feel.
Whether it’s building an ability to get out of their heads and present to the sensations of their bodies.
Or gently, slowly digesting the stuckness and survival patterns created by trauma.
Or cultivating a bandwidth to fully bear pleasure without shutting down or relying on another.
At its core, it is all about our ability to slow down, notice and feel.

Many people, want mind blowing sex.
They want sex that opens and expands their hearts and pleasure, beyond what they already know is possible.
They want aliveness and vibrancy that ripples and resonates in their bodies for days, months, years even.
They want deep passion, adventure and wonder-full discovery.
They want to feel lovingly embraced, connected and explored by those they love.
I get it.
I want that too!
Every last bit.
And more.
Why not?
Why shouldn’t we have that?
Sexual pleasure is one of the most amazing gifts of being human.
Our bodies are made for it.
Both alone and with others.
Problem is.…we are going about it in the wrong way.

Simplicity is foundational to sensual pleasure and discovery.

We often believe we need to add more, learn more and be more in our search for better sex.

But the truth is… Less is often far more.
I learnt this the hard way.

Many of our struggles with things like sex and relationships stem from a belief and conditioning that there is right way to experience and define them.

We get unconsciously attached to things like sexual scripts and relationship escalators, habituated to believe that these are the only pathways to a life time of perpetual pleasure, intimacy and connection.

One of the most challenging and common things I notice in my own relating and that of the people I work with, is how desire changes and often dissipates over time.
Most people in long-term relationships experience staleness and disconnect at some point in time.
It is almost inevitable and can make or break us.

Let me tell you how I have found my way back to the depths of desire in my 30 year relationship.

May is Masturbation Month, believe it or not, and for many people across the globe, a time to invest in cultivating their sexual skills and erotic awareness through self-pleasure. Over the month of May I have been running my annual 31-day self-pleasure challenge with a group of enthusiastic erotic...

One of the most prolific and profoundly disturbing problems of our times, is the sexualviolation of others boundaries, trust and bodies.Sadly, many people take what they want from another human beings without consent orconcern.Our world fosters an entitled belief system and objectification of...

I was wilful child.My noncompliance, later grew into adolescent rebellion.Somehow, I was born knowing I did not want to be a good girl.And consequently, found myself on the receiving end of much shame and attempts to contain me.Like many women, I have been judged, ridiculed, dismissed and abused.I...

What do you do when you cup is running dry? When life just feels too much and you can’t absorb the next dam thing. When the unrelenting storms of life pummel you again and you are stretched beyond your limits? Never before have I felt such collective despair and overwhelm. It shows up...

Truth is a “spot” doesn’t really exist.It is more like a zone and is really not a separate, stand-alone part of our anatomy.The urethral sponge is located on the roof or upper side of the vaginal canal and its size andshape is as unique as the people who own one.For some people it is a very small...

“In order to grow, we need to find our Yes.Yes, to the challenge.Yes, to the discomfort.Yes, to the uncertainty.Great liberation comes in saying Yes to the things that scare us.”I wrote this 12 months ago as I took a big leap.A leap that I had avoided and distracted myself from doing for YEARS!A...

When was the last time you fully took in the scent of your lover?Not the sanitised artificial scent of perfume or powders.But their own wonderful juicy smell.When was the last time you paused and noticed, absorbing and savouring the eroticlayers of your beloved’s skin and hair?How often do you...

The beginning of a new calendar year often invites us into reflection and intention setting.Many of us pause to notice and acknowledge, what is no longer working in our lives and howwe would like things to be.We set goals.Have great ideas.And give ourselves deadlines to get started.It is a...

Do you orient to abundance or scarcity in your life? When offered something of value do you recoil with suspicious or welcome it in? Do you question and shut off or open to the gift? Take minute and think about it. How skilled are you at receiving the gifts that are offered to you in your life?...

“Most people in the western world have two or three relationships in their lifetime.  Some people have all those relationships with the same person.”  Ester Perel. Long-term relating is a journey.There are many twists and turns along the way.As we get older, we often get wiser or at least less...

When it comes to sex and intimacy, how much do you give to others out of obligation? How much are you tolerating to keep someone else happy? And, what are you doing simply because someone else expects you to? Keeping the peace. Creating ease for them. Never rocking the boat. Sound familiar? Maybe...

A lot of people struggle with orgasm.    Many wonder if they have ever experienced one at all.   Others express disappointment that what they have experienced - hasn’t felt like much.  They often think they are the only one with this struggle or begin to wonder if there is something wrong with...

A place of deep conscious relaxation.  Where you stopped doing and noticed. Where you could just be.  Pause for a moment and see if you can remember. Was it today, yesterday, last week?  Last year! Sometimes we are going so fast all the time we don’t even notice we have lost our capacity for...

How often do you include your sense of taste in your sexual explorations?    Do you lick, suck and savour the flavours of your lover or own body?    Do you use food to enhance your pleasure?    Or maybe you know how to activate your tongue and lick sensually the inside of your own...

I have been pondering the notion of re-wilding over the past week while away camping with my family.  What it means to reclaim and embrace our wild nature.  How we would relate, live and be in the world if we remained true to our innate selves.  What we need to not just live, but to thrive in...

You cannot think your way into good sex. Having good information and knowledge is important, but we need to connect and be present to our bodies to fully embody pleasure.  Yet most of us are so caught up in our thoughts - trying please others and performing, that we are not connected to the...

Did you know that I am yet to meet a person who has not felt nervous when stepping into a session or workshop on sex and pleasure?   Yep, it’s true.  Not a single person.  Me included.  I still do.   And I have had years of practice!  Yes, believe it not I still get nervous before going to a new...

How dare you?  Is a question we are often asked.   Explicitly.  Implicitly. Intended to challenge, shut down and put us in ‘our place’.  The purpose of which is to maintain power over another, keeping them small, manageable and most of all reminding them of who’s in charge.  How dare you say...

Life has a tendency at times, to squeeze every ounce of sexy, completely out of us!  Stress, uncertainty, constant demands and tiredness are all great contributors.   Not to mention the challenge of our aging bodies and changing hormones.  It can be hugely challenging to find tiny snippets of...

So….what actually is Sexological Bodywork and Sex Coaching? This is one of the most common questions I get asked when people are considering working with me. I love it because it’s a great question and let’s face it….it can sound like a pretty wacky thing to do! It can also feel a bit scary and...

Stress kills sex. Simple and true. It is one of our greatest challenges and biggest turn offs. It shows up in many different forms and is often a self-perpetuating cycle. Each lap around, further eroding our vitality and confidence. Things like low libido, erectile dysfunction, premature...

The hierarchy of orgasm is a myth and quite frankly, it is ripping us off.I hear versions of this all the time.  It is constantly perpetuated in media and porn and abounds in the myths and sexual scripts we are conditioned to believe.Even some sex educators are coaching people to have “better or...

My father gave me a gift so precious it has lasted me my entire life.It has shaped me, challenged me, held and nourished me.It has broken me and rebuilt me anew.It is ever changing with many faces.Never the same but always familiar.It is powerful and destructive.Gentle and serenely beauty-full.It...

This has been such a huge month for me,  with the roll out of my first residential retreat - Transform.  It was a massive undertaking and incredible journey for everyone involved.  I am still landing tbh!  Absolutely mind blowing.    What an incredible week.  Seven bold, brave women on...

Shame and fear are the two biggest obstacles confronting people around sex, intimacy and pleasure.  They are invisible and sneaky.  They often come disguised as… I don’t have enough time.  Sex is not important. Yeah, I will get to that later.  They might come packaged with struggling...

My nine year old recently asked me an interesting question.  He is an inquisitive little person and asks a LOT of questions.  “What does that taste like?”, he enquired peering over my shoulder.  “Hmmm….kind of bitter”, I answered trying to define the coffee I was sipping.  “What’s bitter?”, he...

Sex and parenting – two of the most fundamentally mismatched and challenging combinations on this planet!  Would you agree?  I sometimes muse how the pleasurable source of our cherub’s creation, can become so elusive! Being the parent of four wonderful beings, I have had many an opportunity to...